so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
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100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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