New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
