The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
