you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone shit on the floor
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
