Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
