Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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