I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
