somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
