and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
