i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
