i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
