But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
