Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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