mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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