After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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