yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
