Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
