Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
