Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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