Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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