just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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