I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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