she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
