the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
