I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
In America we eat man semen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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