New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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