$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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