I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Use "feeling words"
Yay
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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