his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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