And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
