she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And then he peed in my hair
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