you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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