Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
