Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
