he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
