Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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