Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
