You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
