first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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