Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize