Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
