Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
