Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
