yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
