you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
