I'm lost and stupid without you.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
