you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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