My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
