OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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