I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
