fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
