My sheets look like a crime scene.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
