I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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