hotel room ftw
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
