How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
