Your dad touched me again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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