nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
