it was like eating out sand paper
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
