took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
