I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
