why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
