I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
