The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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