Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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