fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
