Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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