my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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