I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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