new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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