By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
