I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
