If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
